The Oxford English Dictionary has promised to react faster to changes in definitions, almost as quickly as the stock market changes. Here are some new definitions for older otherwise-familiar words:
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked
up in a nuthouse.